Archive for October, 2008

3 days and counting…

October 24, 2008

Acquaintances who run into me around town are surprised to see me still pregnant and make comments like “shouldn’t you have had that baby by now?”

If I haven’t had this kid by Monday morning (my due date), I may just start my maternity leave anyway.

In my “I’m never going into labor ever” paranoia, I started doubting my due date so I searched the internet for due date calculators, which reminded me about my musical due dates post.  Because according to the calculators, I was due October 22nd if you go by date of conception, and October 24th (today) if you go by first day of last menstrual cycle.  It was only after the ultrasound that the doctor moved us back to the 27th.  So in some sense, I may already be late.  Which is somewhat comforting in the sense that this kid HAS to come out sometime soon, especially if he’s ALREADY late!  (Just think how disappointing it would be to find out my due date was potentially a week from now.)

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According to the witch, I’m having a doctor

October 24, 2008

While at Whole Foods this morning, the woman in line behind my husband asked what the special occasion was, pointing at the cheesecake he planned to surprise me with.  He responded that he had a pregnant wife at home and the woman’s eyes went ablaze.

“My daughter was a surrogate, and while she was pregnant I consulted the spirits to check on the baby’s well-being and they told me both would be fine – and it turned out she was having twins.”

“Oh – neat,” my husband responded in that way one tries to be polite without  keeping the conversation going.

“What’s your name” she asked (this is the point when my husband decided she was a witch).  He responded and she insisted “No, what’s your full name?”  Great – now the witch knows our name, he thought.  “And what’s your wife’s name?”  “And what’s your baby’s name” – this one he resisted, as we haven’t told people the name and there’s no way some crazy lady in line at Whole Foods is getting the name out of him when his own mother hasn’t.

She stepped out of line for a few minutes while he was checking out, and then returned to say “Your baby is fine and will be a doctor.  Can I have your phone number so I can check up on things and find out the baby’s name?”  Stunned, he told the witch our home phone number and she handed him a pamphlet for her company (she’s a happiness consultant, whatever that is). 

And that’s what everybody warns you about when they say people say and do crazy things when it comes to pregnancy.

The cheesecake craving didn’t go so well

October 24, 2008

So as part of my “if I want it, I can have it” attitude towards surviving the last few days (i hope) of pregnancy, I attempted to treat myself to a piece of cheesecake before heading to the gym for prenatal swim (yes, I realize this sounds like a recipe for a stomach ache, but remember that at this stage, I’ll take any abdominal cramping I can get).  Tragically, I live in the south, so unlike dear old NJ, where it would be impossible to find a place that sold cappuccino and didn’t have a cheesecake in the display fridge, the cafes down here tend towards the cupcake variety of sweets.  “Oh well,” I thought, “there is that bakery right near the gym… they have to make something with cream cheese in it.”

And so I waddled my way to the bakery, happy to see that the open sign was on as I rounded the corner.  I popped in, smiled at the counter girl and began to inspect the display case when she chimed in “Uh, we’re closed.”  I stared back at her confused.  “We close at five.”  But she wasn’t doing anything, just standing there.  Why couldn’t she possibly just let me buy one measly pastry?  “Well, your open sign is still on” I barked and stormed out the door.   

And now I was pissed.  Completely and irrationally pissed.  I mean, they didn’t even have any cheesecake, so I don’t understand what I was so damn disappointed about, but I started doing that thing where you think of all the things you should have said despite the conversation already being over, and then I realized I was so frustrated I was going to cry.  Which made me start to cry.  At which point, I’m a mere 20 steps from the gym and now my face is a bright blaze of red and snot is running down my nose, so I hide out in the parking lot and call my husband. 

And when he picks up, I bawl “I don’t want to be pregnant anymore” and pretty much melt into a puddle of pathetic.  He happens to be at the downtown store so he comes running the half mile over to the gym to collect my sorry self, give me a hug and take me home (as the thought of having to say “I’m 39 weeks pregnant and no sign of labor in sight” at my prenatal swim class sounds like a recipe for another breakdown). 

Have I mentioned I have the most amazing husband ever?

He clicks into comfort mode and we spend the evening going out for crappy Italian food (’cause it’s my version of mac n’ cheese) and get a slice of cheesecake to go, which I devour while watching The Office from the comfort of our couch. 

And this morning, he went to Whole Foods and picked up a mini pumpkin cheesecake and two cannolis.  Absolutely amazing. 

So that puts me at two breakdowns so far this pregnancy.  One over painful and moderately frightening contractions, one over cheesecake.  And here I was thinking I was all immune to the whole hormonal thing.

4 days and counting…

October 23, 2008

I have a new rule… if it costs under $10 and I want it, I get to have it.

This is how I’m coping with still being pregnant.  For example, this morning I took myself out to breakfast.  Now I’m craving a piece of cheesecake and I don’t think I’ll deny myself.  And yes, I do realize all my treats have involved food thus far, but I would totally allow this rule for things like magazines (normally I would want clothing, but that’s obviously not something I’m shopping for these days, nor does it usually pass the under $10 requirement). 

Otherwise, I’m still feeling fine.  Still showing up to work (albeit very very late).  Still walking to work.  Still just waiting for ANYTHING to happen. 

Last night when the husband began whining about how I’m never going to have this baby I told him that maybe I really did just get fat – so fat that my stomach now has it’s own heartbeat, and that the ultrasounds and pelvic exams are just a scam my OB is pulling to bring in more revenue.  He’s so desperate with anticipation he shot me a look that screamed “I know you are kidding, but I swear to god I wouldn’t put it past you, woman.”  Oy.

Waking up is hard to do

October 23, 2008

I feel like the opposite of an old person – they wake up and are thrilled to just be alive.  I wake up and go “shit – I slept soundly – that’s another night with no labor.  Damn it.”

So this morning, upon being disappointed at having yet another night of restful sleep, I decided to treat myself to breakfast.  I had a wonderful little indie rock morning… I rolled out of bed around 10, pulled on the same pair of maternity jeans I’ve been wearing all week, and went to the dinner across the street to enjoy a hot chocolate, eggs over medium, hash browns, a biscuit, grapefruit juice and a pancake on the side, all while reading the Washington Post and listening to the Deathcab for Cutie album the waitress had on for background music.  It was lovely, and I tried to appreciate the fact that it was the exact sort of morning I will no longer have once the small one arrives. 

Would I have rather been in labor?  Yes.  But it was still a lovely morning, and one I suspect I will look back on fondly when in the throes of 2 AM breastfeeding and diaper changing.

5 days and counting

October 22, 2008

Today’s revelations

Just because I need to get something off my plate NOW in case I don’t show up tomorrow doesn’t mean anyone else is going to exhibit the same sense of urgency.  And that’s why I document everything (ah the CYA-style that is corporate life).

The motivation to do basic things like eat, get water or use the restroom is now countered by my even stronger desire to just stay seated.  I never thought of the 20 steps it takes me to get to the bathroom as an impediment before.  Or that being a mere quarter mile walkfrom 20+ food options might still be so daunting as to have me avoiding going for lunch until 3 PM just to avoid getting up.  At this rate I could die of dehydration simply because I had to take a flight of stairs to get to a water fountain.  Sad.

I’ve started thinking of days in terms of when I’d get home from the hospital if I went into labor right now.  For example, if I went into labor right now (mid-day Wednesday), I probably wouldn’t have the small one until Thursday AM, so I’d be home from the hospital Saturday morning.

Do babies snore?

October 22, 2008

Obviously I don’t mean in utero or anything, but seriously – do babies snore?  ‘Cause if I have to be sleep deprived and share a room with a snoring husband, snoring dog, and a snoring baby, I may never be able to sleep again.

/always assumed my sleepless nights would have to do with contractions these days

/been wrong before

6 days and counting…

October 21, 2008

Not that I have any guarantee that I’ll deliver on or by my due date, but it’s too hard to have a count down without an actual deadline, so just play along…

Today’s observations:

Coworkers look at me with pity when I show up at the office these days.

I had one substantial contraction mid-meeting this afternoon – very mildly painful but clear stomach tightening – and my reaction was to smile.  Pregnancy has made me a masochist.

I’m glad I came to work today, as it’s been a nice distraction (and I’ve actually been productive considering I didn’t show up until 10:30), but at some point I’m going to run out of things to do.

The thought of being on leave and literally sitting in the house waiting to go into labor sounds like torture.

I no longer fear my water breaking in public – I just want it to break.

Week 39 – 7 days and counting

October 21, 2008

Baby: Your baby is about 21.5 inches long from head to toe and weighs a little more than 7 pounds. Toenails and fingernails have grown to tips of toes and fingers. Muscles of your baby’s arms and legs are strong, and he’s practicing lung movements. Baby’s head has dropped into the mother’s pelvis if he’s head-down, which allows you to breathe a little easier.

Mom-to-be: You’re probably feeling quite large and uncomfortable. Your uterus has filled your pelvis and most of your abdomen, pushing everything else out of the way. Your center of gravity has shifted, so you may be clumsier than usual.

Tip of the Week: Watch for signs of labor, but don’t get too obsessed. It could happen soon or still be weeks away. Some differences between false labor and contractions: False labor pains usually concentrate in the lower abdomen and groin, while true labor pains may start in the lower back and may spread through the entire abdomen. Real labor also becomes stronger and more powerful as time passes.

That’s WebMD’s take on things…

I’m huge.  As in people who saw me only two weeks ago think I look substantially bigger now.  And it’s not a weight thing, as that’s held pretty steady.  It’s that the small one not only dropped, but seems to have pitched himself forward such that I am carrying him like a cardboard box.  Plus, my hands now like to swell up into little sausages by the end of the evening.  Everyone who sees me asks if I’m about to pop, and I nod dutifully, the way I imagine a soldier nods when asked if he’s about to be deployed.

And what did the doctor say?

Well, nothing really.  Still 80% effaced, still not dilated, still pregnant with no immediate end in sight.  Oh well for all those fantasies about going early.  My weight gain has basically ceased (I’m holding steady at 149 and have been for three weeks now – it’s like my body knows my brain couldn’t accept being 150 lbs, so I’m just shy of 30 pounds for my weight gain these past 9 months).  My blood pressure is fine.  The small one’s heartbeat is totally normal.  And honestly, I still feel pretty good.  So the only real problem is that I’m so healthy and pregnant I may just stay this way for a little while longer.  Grrrr.

The husband and I headed back to the car slightly defeated, and he grumbled something about how I’m probably just going to be pregnant forever and that he might as well get used to it.  My husband has a flare for the dramatic.  And an even shorter patience than I do.  He’s even taken to talking to the small one – well, more pleading with him to come out already than conversing, but you get the idea.  Yes, we are officially in baby purgatory.

Still Pregnant

October 20, 2008

I don’t know why, but part of me was convinced I would go into labor this weekend.  Convinced, I tell you.  Walking home from work on Friday there was a steady stream of Braxton Hicks contractions, none of which hurt or seemed very organized, but if it’s possible to be consistently erratic then that’s the best way to describe them. 

So I told the husband and we decided to hunker down.  We both walked the dog (hoping the exercise would hurry things along), he made dinner with extra cayenne, we camped out on the couch, I drank as much water as I could possibly consume and every time I moved or touched my bulging belly he looked at me with this “is it time?” plead in his eyes and I just had to shrug unknowingly and awkwardly smile to imply, “I still feel good, which probably means this isn’t a go, but who knows?” 

And as you can tell by this post’s heading, nothing materialized.  Sunday night was a mild repeat of Friday night, but this time I wasn’t so vocal about to belly acrobatics as not to make for Belly Watch 2.0.  And it took me forever to fall asleep… I tried to blame it on our having turned on the heater, but really I was just laying there waiting for something, anything that might mean the small one was on his way.  But nothing came and I finally fell asleep around 3 AM.  Defeated. 

I still don’t feel like I’ve hit the “oh my god, get this kid out of me” wall, in terms of physical discomfort or basic insanity, but damn do I just want to do this thing already.

Now, if today’s doctor’s appointment doesn’t result in the phrase “labor is eminent” I may be singing a different tune.  And while I don’t believe it’s physically possible, I have this nagging feeling he’s going to say “wow – you’ve reverse-effaced and now it looks like you’ll be two weeks late” at which point I may burst into tears.