Oh. My. God.

It has a head.  It has arms and legs, and it was moving them all, in what the hubby described as a “boggie.”  I mean, it has a body, too, but distinct arms and legs that are moving around like a… well, like a baby.  I mean, that’s what it is after all, isn’t it?

So it was our first ultrasound, a “dating” ultrasound to figure out when exactly this happened, but more importantly to figure out when it would be over, and by over I mean what the heck is my due date.  You see, in case you haven’t already figured it out, we’re pregnant (it is still odd to read that phrase).  In fact, as of today we’re 9 weeks and 6 days pregnant, a fact we now know care of our ultrasound tech. 

Well, technically speaking we’ve known about this pregnancy since February 21st (when we were apparently 4 weeks and 6 days pregnant).  And now I’m going to force you to suffer through the story, but only because I imagine I’ll be alluding to it quite often in future posts.

– how we found out –

I’ve been late before.  Heck, I’ve been on the pill for so long, I barely even get a period and usually I think nothing of it.  But this month, the circumstances were a little different. 

At my old job (and by old I mean the job I had up until I left in the end of February) I traveled a lot.  January proved to be a particularly hectic month which found me in Ohio (work), Key West (vacation) and Manhattan (work) over three consecutive weeks, all of which magically aligned with when I should have gone for my annual exam, which anyone under 40 not actively trying to conceive only schedules with the purpose of securing another year’s worth a birth control prescription.  Translation – I was out pills.  In fact, CVS had already been so kind as to extend my prescription for the month of January to float me by.  

Knowing I would be traveling SO much in the upcoming weeks, mostly sans husband, I simply decided to forgo for the month so I could start fresh the following month.  In theory, this plan should have worked.  No, seriously, I know the exact reason for the downfall and it’s not really my fault.  You see, based on my rudimentary understanding of ovulation, largely amassed while listening to countless friends working hard at getting pregnant explain, map and calculate cycles and fertility days, I knew that 1) even if you have sex the very day you ovulate, there’s only a 1 in 5 chance of getting pregnant, 2) based on when I’d last taken the pill, I should not have ovulated anywhere near the time when the hubby and I managed to sneak one in during the great travel-a-thon, and 3) many women who’ve been on the pill over 5 years (I easily fall into this category) have such a hard time getting pregnant right after stopping the pill that many experts recommend getting off the pill and switching to condoms for birth control the year (YEAR) before you begin trying for a baby.  Even so, before we did the deed, I joked with the hubby about our not being on the pill at the moment and we both laughed it off as “wouldn’t it be hilarious if we got pregnant?” 

Yeah – totally fucking hilarious.

All of which leads us to three weeks later, when I think I may be late (but am not sure, because who on the pill really pays attention to that?) and stop by dear old CVS for a pregnancy test, just to put my mind at ease.  Now you have to understand, I was not paniced at all.  This is not the first time I’ve bought a pregnancy test.  On a small handful of occasions, either because I entirely skipped a period (like when I was super fit from doing crazy amounts of bikram yoga so I’d look smokin’ for my wedding) or because I knew I’d missed a dose along the way (even camping, you need to remember to bring your pills), I made the same trip to CVS, picked up a pack of tests and would head home to the rest room to put my mind at ease.  And every time the tests came up negative, that second line failed to appear, and within two days my monthly “friend” made an appearance. 

So you see, I did not go into this thinking, “oh my god, I think I’m pregnant.”  I went into this thinking “if I just take a test and put my mind at ease, I’ll stop having these weird dreams about being pregnant, get some sleep, and ta-dah, I’ll have my period before the night is over.”  After all, I even had cramps, a sure sign that what I needed to be buying was tampons.  And my boobs hurt – in fact they were killing me, something that often happens to a lesser extend before said time of month, and I simply assumed the increased “sensitivity” was due to all the cuban coffee ice cream I devoured in Key West and the caffeine that had subsequently lodged in my body (for those who don’t know, caffeine consumption leads to increase breast tenderness around menstruation).  So I had all the symptoms of a not pregnant, PMSing me, minus the whole bleeding part.

And so I took the test.

Now this little gadget turned up two blue lines so quickly – nay, instantly, that I honestly had to look at the instructions on the box to see what two lines meant.  The way this usually goes is that you pee on the stick, and within 30 seconds or so the first line turns blue, indicating the test is working.  Then, 3 minutes later you check again to see if the second line has appeared, indicating that there’s hGC hormone in your urine which means you are preggo.  As I mentioned before, both these lines turned neon blue the instant I looked at the stick. I screamed.

Then I screamed for my husband, who came upstairs with the full expectation of my forcing him to kill a spider.  When he walked in the bedroom, I was waving the stick at him and while I don’t remember exactly what he said, it was something along the lines of “tell me you’re joking” to which I responded “do I look like I’m joking?” 

I get fuzzy about the next part, but I know it involved me peeing on another stick and it turning double-blue, and my husband insisting that because I took the two tests so close together the second results didn’t count because “it was from the same pee.”  No, he was not a science major in college.  At this point we laid on the bed and generally freaked out about the idea of being parents.  I ended up peeing on the third and final stick, because since I had it, why not, and of course we saw the same results.  We were pregnant.  We were going to be parents.  We were terrified.

So back to how this all went wrong… there’s a little but apparently very important fact I’d failed to pick up in all those discussions of cycles – the period you get while on the pill is largely cosmetic.  Since your body isn’t releasing any eggs because the hormones in the pill trick your body into thinking it’s already pregnant, the “period” you get is really more like spotting because you stop taking the pill for 7 days a month.  What does that mean – well, it means that someone on the pill doesn’t actually know what their natural cycle is, so once you stop taking the pill it just sort of picks up where it naturally would have, which in my case meant pretty much instantly.  What do I mean by instantly?  That egg must have released  three (3! not 7-14 but 3!) days after I stopped taking the pill, which is why my risk calculations were so off.  That and I had no idea how damn fertile my husband would prove to be.  (Don’t assume because someone smoked a lot of pot in his youth and stands with his crotch in front of a hot oven for several hours a day that his sperm count might be compromised – those boy were determined!)

– back to the present tense –

So now that we’ve seen the small one, and it has a heart beat, we’ve decided to tell everybody we’re pregnant.  Hubby sorta took this to the extreme, as he proceeded to tell everyone we ran into Tuesday afternoon (his Sysco sales rep, the owner of the fish shop, the counter guy at the cheese store), a la:

near stranger: How’s the restaurant business?

husband: Great.  We’re pregnant.

Yeah, we’ve been holding it in for a while now, and seeing that it did indeed have a head, and two arms and two legs (and a heartbeat) made the whole thing seem a little less surreal. 


2 Responses to “Oh. My. God.”

  1. Pregnant Celebrities » Oh. My. God. Says:

    […] SD7982 wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptYou see, based on my rudimentary understanding of ovulation, largely amassed while listening to countless friends working hard at getting pregnant explain, map and calculate cycles and fertility days, I knew that 1) even if you have sex … […]

  2. Sara Says:

    “Then I screamed for my husband, who came upstairs with the full expectation of my forcing him to kill a spider.”

    This made me spit brie at the monitor 🙂

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